Monday, August 18, 2008

Taken at the height of his life

I lost my brother last week. Suddenly. We were not close, but it doesn't seem to matter or make it easier. I have discovered that we were similar, but in different circles. I don't like getting to know him in's unnatural. He was supposed to be here to bury our mother with me. Instead, he is gone and taken a piece of her with him. Am I angry about that? Yes. He was taken early, butit was preventable. But there are not justifications or reasons that will be good enough for the universe to rewind and let him try again. I spent time trying to create a good reason. He should have worn his seatbelt...well so doesn't change anything. the driver, should never have been driving....or driving that car..but it doesn't bring him back.

Each morning I wake up and the silence is full with...something...birds, waves, wind...and a silence behind it that is the vacuum where my brother exists now. Everything has changed and nothing has changed.

I long for the time we will not have to grow closer. He was expecting a child that he will never know in this world. I hope he will be able to see his child from where he is. We would have something amazing in common that would transcend everything we didn't.

Seeing his body made it real and not real...just true. Still. He was never still till this moment.

He was well loved by his friends and I am comforted to know he was happy. He looked very proud doing his work, happily in love and at the height of his life.

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