Valerie

109_0988,
originally uploaded by Viva.

A beautiful night

It was as if the beauty outside begged me to notice it. My eyes were opened at the strangest hour. It must have been 4 am judging by the position of the bright moon. It lit up the white laundry swaying and rocking across the line, T-shirts, towels, dress shirts and undies all glowing in a cool moon blue against the lake. The water was still as if to be listening to a bump in the night. The trees stood prostrate sectioning my view through the window. It was a moment that wanted nothing more than to be taken - a moment where the world was standing still enough for you to notice yourself for the first time. My heart beating patiently in my chest, the heaviness of my flesh keeping me close to the ground and the swish of the blood moving behind my ears - all of this was extraordinary to me as it reminded me how warm being alive could be.

I am Flat

Sitting amoungst my friends the other night, I couldn't string together anything interesting to say. I have become completely BORING. I was boring myself with my useless chatter and wished somehow I would just go away. I don't get out enough. I walk out and look around me to be amazed at everything going on and then...I don't take it in.

I am currently supposed to be planning my garden and getting the house in order and well - taking care of Kaia is busy stuff. I am starting to feel the burden of this house, our possessions and it makes me feel cluttered and slow.

I am not someone that people would necessarily long to spend time with anymore. I am like furniture. While I can be kind - I feel I have become more 2 dimensional of late. I am not sure if it has happened recently or maybe with all the time I have alone - maybe I just noticed.