Sunday, December 04, 2005

Falling and Flying

fall flying
fall flying,
originally uploaded by -Angela.
When I was old enough to tie my shoes I remember feeling the free wind on my cheeks as my mother swung me around, my hands held tightly in hers. I felt as if she may never stop taking care of me. It never dawned on me that I would have to make my own way in the world wihtout my mother holding my hands tightly so that I might not fall. I didn't anticipate the need, so many years later at 16, to escape those same hands to feel free to become someone.

I struggled every year after that; doing what I needed to do to survive, but never having the stability to think about who I would become and how. So with so much time under me I am still hoping to become...but when I write and create and try to articulate all that made me who I am right now, I feel that thrill of being swung, arms wide in the wind, with my own strong hands holding me.

One hundred Cigarettes

The Killing Fields
The Killing Fields,
originally uploaded by cszar.
He needed to put limits on himself. With each cigarette, he felt a heavy failure or weakness that nagged at him. It wasn't so much that he didn't like smokiong, but that he didn't seem to feel he had a choice anymore. Something was keeping him crawling everyday.

The countdown would begin; 100 cigarettes to the end.
When he smoked number 100...he would make an occassion out of it...it would have to be an after sex ciggy for closure. It would be over...he would be free.

Legionarios

legionarios
legionarios,
originally uploaded by elencita.
A powerful photo...

Friday, December 02, 2005

Hoppers

DSCN1303
DSCN1303,
originally uploaded by Marius van den Broeke.
You stumbled on something secret. It started a sharp shrill chirps and as you approached you could see how bright she was and how small he appeared as he mounted her. She could easily remove him, but she sat quite still as he moved. You could hear the clacking of legs and the scraping of a final moment that would call something new from the universe.

Solace

Estonia Statue
Estonia Statue,
originally uploaded by Viva.
She sits calmly in her reckless abandon and becomes nothing more than herself entirely.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

A Careful Demarcation

For the longest time I was certain that my university days were just barely behind me. I still felt like I was 21 and fancy free...just now I can afford more stuf...better stuff (really just barely above Ikea), but that came to an abrupt end when reality hit like a hammer.

As many know I am a new mom. This in and of itself is not what put me over the hump of ackowledgement, but the breast pump at the recent U2 concert sure did. Here's how the moment of truth rolled out:

Entering the Corel Centre the security check your bags and frisk you...(yipee frisk me! frisk me!) not exactly what happened for me..."what;s in the bag maam?". "Breast pump." "OK, move on through". No frisk for me. Furhter, I had to pump my boobs clean right there in the stands between Arcade Fire and U2 coming on...the lights came on and there I was pumping away with horror.

Moral of the story...you know you have really moved intot the next stage of life nad you are soooo far away from that girl that entered the uni halls....when you are pumping your breasts at a U2 concert. I am in denial no longer.