Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Awake - Finally

The clock radio mumbled in the background as I lay curled up in the sheets. It was 6:45 am. It was time to make my way to work. As I lay there with my warmth pressed into the sheets and a tired dullness that seemed to permeate everything around me, I wondered if Jason had started a pot of coffee. I need a reason to get out of bed.
I lingered a little longer and gave the feather pillow an extra hard squeeze in my arms, propping my head a little higher up. My legs spanned the length and width of our queen sized bed. I wanted to hang on to the peaceful dull feeling for as long as possible, even knowing that it was impossible – every moment brings a change.
I knew already I would be late for work. This would be a morning where nothing was going to flow easily. I didn’t feel like taking a shower. I would use a neatly twirled updo and a suit as a facade. 
I walked to the ensuite to wash. I looked tired. I was tired from a lack of sleep, from boredom, from working against my grain. I was tired, because the neatly twisted hair and ironed suit always feels like a disguise.  If someone had told me years ago that I would be working at this job for the rest of my life, I probably wouldn’t believe it, and would be disappointed to learn the climax of my story was so ordinary. It is like watching a bad movie and not being able to walk out. Biding time.
I put on my lipstick and proceeded down the stairs for a cup of coffee. Jay had already left. A note on the table read: I love you.
I poured my coffee into a large cream colored coffee mug stirred in two sugars and swirled in a dash of cream. It was quiet and still in the house.    I needed to get to work.

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